The Inside-Out approach to problems
The first thing we tend to do when something nasty or unpleasent happens to us is to blame someone or something. This is perfectly natural and human. However there is a more effective way to look at and solve our problems. Let’s look at the Inside-Out approach described by Stephen R Covey.
Our behaviour, actions, thoughts are shaped by our paradigms. A paradigm is a frame of reference, model, theory, perception or assumption. It’s our view of the world, our conception and beleifs. The way we understand things. These paradigms can be described as maps and according to Covey, “Each of us have many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories: maps of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values.”
We tend so think that the way we see the world is the reality, but it is not! It is our perception of the situation and our perception can be very different from someone else. When people disagree with us, we often think something is wrong with them. The person may be wrong according to our principles and values. We have placed a judgement on that person according to our perception. The reality may be different. This does not mean that there are no facts, but the more we are aware that our thinking patterns are influenced by our paradigms and experience, the more we can listen to others, the more we can be objective, the more we can stay in communication and negotiate.
The inside-out approach means to start with ourselves, the most inside part of ourselves, our maps, paradigms, perception and character. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy! To try and improve our relationships with others, we have to start by ourselves, and then we will come across as someone who deserves respect.
There are various ways in which you could start woking on your personal foundation. Coaching is one of the ways. There are a variety of programs to strenghthen your personal foundation. Here is one of them: Irresistible Attraction Program. Click here to go to the website, choose the program from the list and download the pdf file. You can work on your own, with a friend or with a professional coach. Email me for any questions and... enjoy!
Dr Laurence Forget
Personal Coach
